


Costco Adventure

by cypherd



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23953624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypherd/pseuds/cypherd
Summary: Somehow, @loganthrives and I got onto the idea that it’d be hilarious to see demons in a costco. And I wrote it. I used @loganthrives and @wowanothergotdamnedartist ‘s oc’s with my own. And I hope it’ll be funny But yep. Going to Costco should be a simple trip for human-safe foods and supplies in bulk. But it so isn't going to be. Not at all.
Relationships: Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s), Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Costco Adventure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LoganThrives (LadyAnatares)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAnatares/gifts).



**Lo** rd Diavolo had issued a decree - a human needed human supplies, then it was necessary to go to the human world for such things

“We need to get lots of stuff in a bit of a hurry. We need to make sure they have bathroom things and all sorts of food that’s safe for humans. How do we do that? And quickly?”

“We use Costco.”Logan suggested. “There are plenty of them all over the world.”

“Oh. Good point” Kotomi nodded. “You know, I have to say, living here I almost forgot about all our human stuff. It just seems second nature to use Akuzon now.”

“You know, I know what you mean.”

Logan nodded at her fellow human by way of a reply.

“This is excellent.” Solomon said and that should have been the warning this whole thing was going to go off the rails extremely quickly. 

“Costco it is!”

And that should have been the end of it, but this was the seven Demon brothers and also...Diavolo. Plus two angels and three humans. Honestly no one was sure where they were. Could have been London, could have been Bangledesh. Could have been Toronto.

(It was actually Chicago)

“Oh look. There’s hotdogs and pizza and blue drink. What does blue drink taste like?”

It took a moment for the humans to register Diavolo was addressing them. “It’s usually blue raspberry.”

“How exciting! And I do believe I would like to try this bubblegum stuff. Is this what pink tastes like? Ah, Lucifer, you must try this!”

“Of course, Lord Diavolo.”

“And this is...raspberry but...blue?”

“Yes. It’s very common by modern standards.”

If the prince of hell wasn’t going to try to figure it out no one else had any options.

“Maybe I could ask Heavenly Father.”

“And let’s not do that, Angel.”

Winter shrugged at Satan but left the issue alone.

“It’s wonderful.”

It was almost normal by Diavolo’s standards. No one (wisely) asked where Diavolo got a blue raspberry ice pop out of the clear blue.

“Wonderful.” Beel and Winter had hit the food stand already and Asmo had disappeared down some aisle that had health and beauty products, leaving Mammon, Lucifer, Belphegor and Satan to turn to their humans for any actual shopping. Levi had seen the TV’s not ten seconds after walking in and run.

“How are we supposed to get things from the top shelves.” Belphegor complained.

“Oh how easy. Did you forget your own twin has wings? And so do some of us. Lucifer fly up there.”

“Oh hell yes. Any day Lucifer looks like an idiot please and thank you.” 

“Lord Diavolo there is toilet paper on the ground here.”

“Get the one at the top. It’s more fresh.”

No one had the heart to tell Diavolo toilet paper didn’t have a shelf life. Or maybe, just because it was the demon prince’s shenanigans. Either one made sense.

“Oh this is the best day ever.” The wings had been all out of balance since Lucifer fell and with all members of the Lucifer Sucks club present this was like Christmas.

As it turned out, the party was down by a bunch which made Solomon’s arrival at the cart with boxes extremely conspicuous.

“Asmo asked me to get them.”

Lucifer shook his head. “I very much doubt my brother asked you to get...24 packs of chicken salsa taquitos. I might believe Beel but this is your worst lie ever.”

They were in the cart. The now by MUCH put upon Avatar of Pride shook his head, but Diavolo stopped his hand. “Oh but humans like them! That is a human!”

And the group they were supposed to be buying for had gotten cut by a third.

“Where is Logan? And Belphegor and...anyone who didn’t stay at the food court.”

***

“Come with me!” “Belphegor had whispered. 

Logan was a tougher human than most but Belphegor usually didn’t do her wrong and they found themselves being lead away from Diavolo and the toilet paper and into a large display in the centre of the store.

“There’s a bed right here. Come on, let’s try it out.” 

Logan had always prided themselves on being at least a bit more willful than that but apparently there was no stopping Belphegor when he wanted to cuddle. They got into the bed - it was….a bed, they guessed. Nothing to write home about and honestly they were messing up a display. They’d done their dues in retail before being asked to the Devildom - maybe not a Costco but this had to be a retail worker faux pas.

“Okay. We’ve tried it out and…”

Logan wasn’t sure if it was some trick of the Avatar of sloth or whether this bed was comfy or whether Belphegor was the comfortable one if he was hugging you, But allri---

Kevin drove a fork lift. That was his job. He rotated stock. He had a rapport that was decent with his coworkers. Every so often Amran the sample dude would give him whatever the store was hocking if he was in the vicinity. So how in the hell there was what seemed to be two people cuddled up in the display bed?

He...decided not to disturb them.

Although...when next he drove his forklift around after his break...they were on a porch swing.

Just how? And HOW did that man have a tail. Maybe he was one of those furries...that was a thing. Well...Kevin wasn’t a judge. He got back on his forklift.

\---

“Okay sho...Sho I don’t half to pay for these?”

“The idea is, SIR….” and the sales lady said that with a very implied suggestion that ‘keeping her job’ was the only reason the individual before her ought to receive any sort of title “That you pay for them if you like them. They’re samples.”

“But they’re FREE samples, right?”

The poor human was definitely not paid enough to be dealing with this level of shit. “Would you please buy a box? Or maybe ten? ”

“Oh...Oh hell yeah. Hell yeah my brother will. Lemme take these and I’ll add them to the cart. But thanks for lunch! Pretty good food ya humans got here.”

“Thank you? Uh...human?”

“Don’t worry about--”

“I’m so sorry. It’s apparently Mammon’s first time being around people. We’ll buy your stuff...too.”

Kotomi sighed and grabbed almost her fifth box from the random samples. “Sometimes I think you should be the Avatar of Gluttony…” she muttered.

“Well if they ain’t nailed down they’re free. And I ain’t gonna pass up a free lunch ya know.”

Lucifer and Diavolo were looking at some toothpaste when the human and the avatar of greed caught up. Kotomi dumped ten boxes of all the free sample products Mammon had ate across the store.

“Are these things you need?”

“Yes. They are things we need because Mammon decided to make a meal of the samples.”

Lucifer grit his teeth. 

Diavolo nodded peaceably. “Ah, well we can’t have enough. I had never thought chimera would be poisonous to humans but happy accident we were able to help. These...pizza bagels are evidently more to human taste being they’re sold in a human shop.”

Wherever Logan and Soloman were right now, there would be a human plot to get Lucifer to eat a pizza bagel. It would probably be hilarious.

___

It was predictable enough that Beel gravitated towards any place that served food just as Levi was likely looking at the wall of televisions (he was) . It was also predictable that Winter accompanied the Avatar of Gluttony.

“Beel I’m really full. I don’t think...Why don’t you finish this?”

“Oh wonderful!” 

The angel breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m just going to rest my head here. You keep eating.”

“I can’t believe this food is so cheap!”

“I can’t believe I ate five hotdogs.”

“I’m proud of you.” Beel said around a mouthful. “I worry about you.”

Winter managed a smile. “You know you don’t need to. I’m just fine. And most of us don’t need to eat as much as you do. But it’s sweet you worry.”

And with that the angel slipped into a food coma. 

“Oh! Lucifer...you guys are back. Ah….you think you could settle up?”

“Beel...this board says the pizza and hotdogs are $1 each. How the hell did you rack up…$89.95?”

“Is that angel okay?“ Diavolo whispered

“She’s an angel - she’ll just be groggy and bloated.”

Winter managed a slight noise that was best translated as ‘Mrr’ before cuddling into Beel’s arms.

“Ah are we checking out? The distraction from the over full Angel (who seemed to be well...angel like gorgeous despite being slumped over Beel’s shoulders) was a shock to all. 

“Satan and Levi.” 

Lucifer’s joy at not having to track down anyone else was a bit short lived when he saw what Satan was carrying.

“What is that?” By this point the Avatar of Pride was just resigned.

“An HD TV with 3D Capabilities.” 

“And a PS5.”

“Is that a thing now?” Kotomi asked.

“Oh, actually yes.” That was Soloman. “iS that the 250 gig one?”

“Yes indeed!” the otaku chirped. “And I’ll even put it in the common room.”

“...goody.” 

“What was that, Lucifer?”

“I said, where are Logan and Belphegor? Also did anyone keep tabs on Asmo? I…”

“Uh hello? Hi...hi there hello?” A man in a Costco uniform was running across the parking lot. “

“Um...okay this is going to sound super weird but are you people...um...are you with the um...the two people in the bed in Asle 19?”

“Probably.” Diavolo spoke up.

“Okay one of them has a cow tail and the other is a white chick with some---”

“Yes. Yes they’re with us. Can we get them back?”

“Please.” Kevin said, who literally had never had a weirder day. “Do you...do you maybe want to take the guy in Aisle 5 too? He just checked out with about five boxes of lotion and facial masks and just about everything from the cosmetic section...he’s a little dude but wow you all….I mean….wow.”

“Thank you for the compliment kind human! We all loved your store and we got plenty of stuff for the humans.”

It didn’t take too long for the weird little party to leave the Costco with the strangest break room conversation.

Kevin the forklift guy was sent to mandatory counselling because he swore he saw a door open into hell and swallow a whole bunch of weird customers. 


End file.
